To be honest...

To be honest I'm not ok, I've haven't been ok in months but all together I have been me in years. I know I need help but deep down I'm scared, and that's hard cause I'm not scared of anything either. I tell people I'm ok cause I'm good at hiding how I'm really feeling physically and emotionally. Feels like I'm always letting people down, one of the reasons why I'm delaying on getting help cause I don't want my parents to think they didn't do a good job at parenting me when it's not there fault.  I'm considering not wanting to have a relationship anymore cause I don't wanna be a burden or hold them down and make them feel like they r wasting their time dealing with my problems that I'm having. And If I am that I'm thinking that I might be I don't wanna be taking meds for the rest of my life but on the other hand I don't wanna feel and think the things I feel and think everyday and night. I feel like I'm sinking in a hole with no way out

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